CARLOS MENCIA IS A VERY FUNNY MAN: A PLAY IN THREE ACTS

{Scene: a coffeeshop, midday. Mencia and a Barrista}

M: Hey Bubba! You got a wetback here wanting service!
B: Oh, I’m sorry….I was just helping someone el…
M: You gotta represent!
B: O…okay. I’m sorry I didn’t…
M: Give it up, Bubba!
B: Yeah….did you want some coffee?
M: Bubba and the wetback!
B: [staring]
M: Hey Bubba! You’re serving a wetback!
B: Could…could you stop yelling, please?
M: Wetbubba! Back back!
B: [goes back to cleaning espresso machine]
M: Back wet bub wet wet backy backy back!

{Scene: a bookstore. Mencia and a clerk]

C: Hi, can I help you?
M: Black people come from Africa!
C: Well, yeah, I mean, their ancestors…
M: That makes them African!
C: Umm, well, kinda, but not…
M: I said it, I said it! You white folks don’t wanna hear it, but I said it!
C: [confused] Oh….okay….

{Scene: outside a club in Los Angeles. Mencia and a fan}

F: Hey! Carlos Mencia! Man, I really love your stuff!
M: Dee-dee-dee!
F: Yeah! All right!
M: If you ain't laughin', you ain't livin.
F: Yeah! That’s cool.
M: Dee-dee-dee!
F: Heh heh….yeah.
M: Wetback!
F: Right, yeah, so…when’s your next show?
M: Doo doo!
F: Yeah….it’s funny when you do that.
M: Stooo-pid!
F: I can….go if this is a bad time.
M: Boo daa dee!
F: Uh-huh.