GOOD DAY TO YOU AGAIN, SIR

Good day to you sir. I should ask you to help me with a financial matter in which you could hold an abundance of money for me. My accounts of one thousand dollars ($1000) need to be held in an American account so that we can remove it from my country, Nigeria.

Now that I think of it, I’m not sure how we’d actually do this. Maybe we could do it with Paypal? I don’t know. I’ve only used it for ebay, but I guess you can pay for things through that. Do you know anyone who’s used it? I mean, in a non-Ebay way? I don’t want you to have to pay a fee, though. I think it might have that.
I’d swear I heard that somewhere. You know….I just don’t know. I’m just kind of talking out my ass with that one.

Oh okay. Turns out if the transaction is for $100 or less, then there’s no fee. Let’s just do that, then. You could hold $65 (100 minus the fee) and then we’ll transfer the rest over. Maybe I should open an account?

Actually, duh, why don’t I just open the account? That way you won’t be bothered and I can just take care of it. I totally didn’t think of that. If I open an account, then *I* can just transfer my family’s money over. God, I always make things more difficult than they need to be. Why do I do that?

They don’t have much information about opening an account on their website. God, that’s so frustrating! And I’m Nigerian! I mean, not that I’d have more of a problem with that than a non-Nigerian. I’m not racist! Or nationalist. Or whatever. It’s just a difficult interface. I think I’ve got it now, though. My user name is nigerianguy42. I think I just sent you an email notification. Is that okay? You might check your spam folder to see if it went there. I’m sorry…god, this has turned out to be such a hassle. I totally owe you one.

Okay, so...in conclusion: I’ll open a Paypal account and put $100 of my money in there and transfer them to my own bank account. I guess...yeah, I guess I can do this myself. Jesus...sorry. Why did I have to bother you with this. I’m sorry. Do you need any cash?

FUNNY OBSERVATIONAL HUMOR

So I was talking to a couple of friends and the Kevin Bacon/Six Degrees of Separation game came up. One guy said he went to school with someone who was in a Kevin Bacon movie, so he was two degrees of separation away. The other guy said: "Well, I saw a Kevin Bacon movie once, so that makes me one degree". But I have them both beat:

I murdered Kevin Bacon.

That's right: I have a score of -1 degrees of separation.