Reporter: Senator Craig?
Craig: Not gay.
Reporter: Do you believe it’s possible for the United States to come up with a plan for withdrawing from Iraq that will please both political parties, not to mention the general public?
Craig: I think so, but I’m not gay. It’s going to be a difficult time for us in Washington unless we can reach some sort of understanding. Do not enjoy balls.
Clerk: Did you find everything okay?
Craig: Oh yeah…just fine. Straight and heterosexual.
Clerk: Okay….your total will be $24.37.
Craig: Not gay.
Clerk: Is that credit or debit?
Craig: Debit. I love pussy.
Clerk: Go ahead and press “okay”.
Craig: Right here?
Clerk: Uh-huh….yep.
Craig: Boobies.
Waitress: Are you ready to order?
Craig: Yes, I’ll have the seafood salad. I enjoy lots of sex with women.
Waitress: Seafood salad….and as a side dish?
Craig: Not gay. Could I get that with an extra side order of rice? My mind filled with images of breasts.
Waitress: Certainly. Have you thought about what you what to drink with the entrée?
Craig: I’ll have the merlot. My penis is erect at the thought of vaginas. Not other penises…vaginas.
Waitress: I can bring your salad right out.
Craig: Have not seen “Brokeback Mountain”.
Craig: Did you pay the cable bill? Not enjoying the firm embrace of an athlete’s arms.
Mrs. Craig: [stares off into space] Yes.
Craig: I can’t remember if I sent them a check or not. I guess worse comes to worse, we’ll have a credit on the account. Absence of sweaty muscle men wrestling from my brain.
Mrs. Craig: [pours drink, continues staring]
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
GOOD DAY TO YOU, SIR
Hello Sir. Allow me permission to be introduce myself. I am Christopher Petersen of Ann Arbor Michigan and I would ask your help. I came to you because your profile suggests the courage of much honorability.
My family is in a terriblizing crisis and our assets have been frozen. I am the only child alive, heir to the Petersen fortune, worth much, much Money. My father is in needitude of an account reclaimed. This is a Savings Account (in a Bank) containing well over two million of your American Dollars USD ($150.00).
I am stuendidously seeking your assistance in the following ways: (1) To provide a Bank Account into which this gimoxous amount of money would be transferred to . (2) To serve as a guardian of this fund since I am only thirty-seven (22) years of old. For you trambaculous efforts, i am willing to offer you 15% (twelve) of the total sum as compensatology after the successful transfer of this fund into your nominized account overseaslicious.
Were you to exonoblate us with your most feentobulourized efforts, we could do nothing but flinerate you and your honor, Sir. Your honestitude is full of esteemery and reputablopolisness. I conblobortate you, Sir. Glapenspiezel.
Yoursicide,
Christoberry Pederwandybatty
My family is in a terriblizing crisis and our assets have been frozen. I am the only child alive, heir to the Petersen fortune, worth much, much Money. My father is in needitude of an account reclaimed. This is a Savings Account (in a Bank) containing well over two million of your American Dollars USD ($150.00).
I am stuendidously seeking your assistance in the following ways: (1) To provide a Bank Account into which this gimoxous amount of money would be transferred to . (2) To serve as a guardian of this fund since I am only thirty-seven (22) years of old. For you trambaculous efforts, i am willing to offer you 15% (twelve) of the total sum as compensatology after the successful transfer of this fund into your nominized account overseaslicious.
Were you to exonoblate us with your most feentobulourized efforts, we could do nothing but flinerate you and your honor, Sir. Your honestitude is full of esteemery and reputablopolisness. I conblobortate you, Sir. Glapenspiezel.
Yoursicide,
Christoberry Pederwandybatty
Sunday, September 23, 2007
EASY ETHICAL DILEMMAS
You’re at a sandwich shop and have to choose between turkey reuben or a veggie special. You know that Hitler, were he alive today, would probably ask what the soup of the day is. Do you get a beverage?
On a desert island are: a flare gun, a grand piano, and a copy of The Bible. “CSI” is on at the same time as “Heroes”. Which do you watch?
You have a choice between saving a six-year-old girl from a burning building and watching “Six Feet Under” on DVD. Your feet hurt. Do you like potpourri?
That one woman at the mall – the one who works at that weird craft stand in front of the Gap – is fat. Don’t you think so?
Your elderly neighbor has a bad hip, but her sidewalk needs clearing today. This would conflict with a play being put on by the local elementary school. Oh wait….you know what? That’s next week. Forget it. No problem.
On a desert island are: a flare gun, a grand piano, and a copy of The Bible. “CSI” is on at the same time as “Heroes”. Which do you watch?
You have a choice between saving a six-year-old girl from a burning building and watching “Six Feet Under” on DVD. Your feet hurt. Do you like potpourri?
That one woman at the mall – the one who works at that weird craft stand in front of the Gap – is fat. Don’t you think so?
Your elderly neighbor has a bad hip, but her sidewalk needs clearing today. This would conflict with a play being put on by the local elementary school. Oh wait….you know what? That’s next week. Forget it. No problem.
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