LARRY CRAIG IS NOT GAY

Reporter: Senator Craig?
Craig: Not gay.
Reporter: Do you believe it’s possible for the United States to come up with a plan for withdrawing from Iraq that will please both political parties, not to mention the general public?
Craig: I think so, but I’m not gay. It’s going to be a difficult time for us in Washington unless we can reach some sort of understanding. Do not enjoy balls.


Clerk: Did you find everything okay?
Craig: Oh yeah…just fine. Straight and heterosexual.
Clerk: Okay….your total will be $24.37.
Craig: Not gay.
Clerk: Is that credit or debit?
Craig: Debit. I love pussy.
Clerk: Go ahead and press “okay”.
Craig: Right here?
Clerk: Uh-huh….yep.
Craig: Boobies.


Waitress: Are you ready to order?
Craig: Yes, I’ll have the seafood salad. I enjoy lots of sex with women.
Waitress: Seafood salad….and as a side dish?
Craig: Not gay. Could I get that with an extra side order of rice? My mind filled with images of breasts.
Waitress: Certainly. Have you thought about what you what to drink with the entrée?
Craig: I’ll have the merlot. My penis is erect at the thought of vaginas. Not other penises…vaginas.
Waitress: I can bring your salad right out.
Craig: Have not seen “Brokeback Mountain”.


Craig: Did you pay the cable bill? Not enjoying the firm embrace of an athlete’s arms.
Mrs. Craig: [stares off into space] Yes.
Craig: I can’t remember if I sent them a check or not. I guess worse comes to worse, we’ll have a credit on the account. Absence of sweaty muscle men wrestling from my brain.
Mrs. Craig: [pours drink, continues staring]