Monday, April 30, 2007

I AM NOT A DOCTOR

Me: What you’ll want to do is try and favor the other spleen.
Patient: Wait, what….what do you mean?
Me: (laughs) I know. But remember: there’s no “I” in “headrush”.
Patient: What the hell’s wrong with you? I’m just getting a blood test!
Me: There’s no “I” in “eyelid”.
Patient: (sighs) I don’t…wait, there is….I mean…
Me: There’s no “I” in “iiiiiiiiyeeeeeeeee”.
Patient: Excuse me…


Me: Hey, do you like the Muppets?
Patient: Umm…yeah, I guess so. Why?
Me: You have cancer.



Me: Fuck you.
Patient: What?!!
Me: Yeah, what’s with that? Anyway…can you cough for me? Good….



Me: [cries hysterically]
Patient: What? Are you okay?
Me: YOU DON’T FUCKING KNOW WHAT I’M ABOUT!
Patient: Umm….okay. Maybe…
Me: Hey! You wanna play some Ultimate?
Patient: [silent]

2 comments:

nim said...

"do you like muppets" was responsible for my neighbors (who really like to sing Concrete Blonde's one hit song) probably thinking "what's the dude who talks to his plants laughing about now?"

srah said...

That makes me want to go to Doctor Chrispy.